David & I moved to Santa Barbara! He took over a medical practice and we are super stoked to be living in California sunshine!
For me, travel in any form yields a certain altitude or space for perspective. Like some of my favorite impressionist paintings, up close there is no pattern of meaning, but once you take a few steps back and observe the big picture, shit connects wonderfully. With that, I’ve never felt a more deepening sense of connectedness in my life as I have right now.
This was NOT my mindset about a month ago when I started an unpublished blog post titled, Edge Of The Unknown. How dramatic… I wanted to share a screen shot of the post as it accurately illustrates the rush of panic that so stupidly consumed me.
As I’ve grown older I realized that I haven’t been managing change as well as I use too. Over the past year (+/-), I’ve been seduced by the idea of having security. But security is fucking bullshit. At any moment, life can throw you a curve ball and that security blanket you wrapped yourself around with, is gone. Poof…….
On the eve of our departure my brother, who has this wondrous mix of comedic relief and grasshopper ease shared a well-known Mark Twain quote,
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. /-Mark Twain
But I was apprehensive of the future. I was afraid of the unknown, I was afraid to leave the safe harbor. I’ve moved cross-country before but this time around was different, there was an underlying social pressure. The pressure of, not being 22. The weight of being 26. But those fears aren’t unordinary. You can interchange nearly any situation and there will always be a fear of the unknown. That is life, and I needed to let go.
Around sometime in Michigan I was having an uncontrollable physical reaction to change. Far enough away but with still so much ahead. I would define myself during this leg as a crazy biznatch. I had this weird impulse for destruction, but deep down I knew I was longing for grace. But that is the best thing about driving for hours on end, there is space to process and preserve. And when I stripped myself of myself it occurred to me that, barebones this felt right.
I’m not exactly sure where that shift happened, but I’m thankful it did. I’ve got the best man by my side and a great future ahead of us…
If I were to pick a number that had some form of a pattern in my life, 3 would be it. I’m one of three, I have three lifelong best friends, I’ve had three loves in my life, I went to three different colleges, and I’ve moved cross country three times. Maybe I’m just making shit up, but it seems to take me three times to get it right. (I know my Mum will back me on this…) But right now, I’m just so fucking happy with where my life is it. Today I was running along Sterns Wharf, after a great long conversation with Kac, and a sneaky morning with my babe and I got so overwhelmed with love by part running high and part life. We have some seriously awesome new friends, great neighbors, and are living in the most beautiful state! Today, it all makes sense. I understand why I struggled, all the wrong turns were really right turns, and I’m so grateful. I don’t think I’ve ever loved life so much.
With immense gratitude, I wish the same for you…
Follow my next adventure!