OCEAN OF EMOTION

OVER & OUT

English is hard for me today but I’m going to try and convey my truth as best as I possibly can. Over the past few weeks, something has been brewing inside me and I think it is finally ready to come out.

I’m so over bloggers.

I’m fucking over it.  I’m over the stupid contests, and the designer bags filled with flowers. I’m sorry. I HATE that I’m contributing to this cycle but I’m ready to admit that, I’m addicted.
For the longest time I chopped it up to that I really just loved the spirit of Instagram– and social media for that matter. I’ve discovered some amazing places and people from online platforms but I’ve also seen first hand how it can ruin those perfectly imperfect moments. Just slap a filter on it and post! Viola!

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I’m not sure why this is bubbling up today but I think it has to do with a conversation that happened yesterday while David and I were hiking and a hashtag I recently saw called #doitforthegram. On our hike, we met a family. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor, and their son was an emerging musician. (interesting, hey?) They then asked me about me, and I had this sudden panic of okay, shit, who am I? or who should I be to them? The professional? The artist? The fucking cluster fuck of passions that is me. I simply cannot choose one– and I/WE shouldn’t have to. I want to make up a word to perfectly describe what it is I practice. A word that would come from Hogwarts! A wizardly-like word I imagine, but it would end up being counterproductive because then I would have to explain it AND if I did find a way to smoosh it together, it most likely, would have WAY too many dashes…  OR… I’m a gypsea? (Is it that simple?) HAHA! I just imagined the response I would get from those people that we met. “A what?”  IM A GYPSEA,  G-Y-P-S-E-A!

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We aren’t just one person anymore— well, that is an interesting statement I just made. Let me rephrase without editing, we aren’t one-dimensional people. A career simply isn’t enough to define our complex and beautiful human experience. It turns out that the lawyer by day is a passionate photographer by weekend– and that is barely scratching the surface. We aren’t one-dimensional people so why do I feel forced to have a one-dimensional answer? We all practice a variety of hobbies and passions and we all want those to be validated especially when we put ourselves out there on social media. So if we choose one, we are more likely to be successful thus steadily improving until one day we are an authority on a subject matter. But if I know one thing, it is that I know nothing SO why do I think I have something worth sharing? The truth is I don’t. I often chat about this with close friends where is it safe to share my insecurities. But I think these feelings have to be touching others as well.  PS> thanks to those friends for not answering my phone call. I needed to write this out. <3

So what’s the balance?  What is the most authentic way to navigate this time we live in?  To consume without letting it consume you? To find REAL forms of validation from ourselves, unfiltered. To live for more than for the gram… I want more than just the surface-level human experience. I want the raw shit. So what is the answer? Create more raw shit? IDK…TO BE CONTINUED…

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#DONT DO IT FOR THE GRAM  (can you even believe this shit)

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